Posted by
Forgive My Patriotism on Monday, June 15, 2009 12:56:39 PM
There
are government programs a-plenty to help those in need. Created to
right wrongs in society and protect and help the little guy in
America, they're often a way of making up for inequities that the law
doesn't cover. And today these programs are coming out of government
in clubs, hearts and diamonds. But despite the law and these
many safety nets, today I'm feeling a little like Dorothy at the
moment the witch appears in the crystal ball and mocks her.
Now, I've read that Frank
Baum filled the Wizard of Oz with representations of economic and
political elements in the Populist Party view of America in the late
1800's. The heartless industrial workers, brainless farmers, cowardly
investors and so on. Everything represents something. East, west, the
water that destroys the witch, even the name “Oz” represents the
ounce measurement of coinage. America's banks and lenders who
regularly destroyed the brainless little guys were represented by the
villainous wicked witches.
In my own search for a place
where troubles melt like lemon drops, I've found that the yellow
brick road has been paved over in pastels. And in following it, I've
lost my way somewhere between the talking trees and the poppy fields.
When a member of A&B
Mortgage Brokers of Munchkin City forged my name to a mortgage, the
DA was found to be too bogged down in his workload. And so,
negotiating with the broker's attorney David Lane, he settled on
securing a guilty plea. But not for all eight forgeries. Only one
forgery. And which of the eight, they weren't saying.
Now, despite the starkly
infantile attempts to copy my signature, the Emerald Title Company
(Land America) filed, insured and passed the forgeries on to the
Wicked Witch of Mortgage Fraud, Argent Mortgage Co, who has paid out
hundreds of millions in recent judgments. Argent paid off the old
witch, and then ignored the forgery allegations since I was still
making payments. Then, to my utter surprise, they sold it to the
Wicked Witch of Delaware, DLJ Capital, who had her flying monkeys at
Select Portfolio Servicing continue the policy of ignoring me. Now it
became even more important to get a forgery conviction, and my return
to Kansas (literally) for work got delayed.
When I stopped making
payments, they stopped ignoring me and began running plays from the
Guidebook for Wicked Flying Monkeys. Obviously the forgeries didn't
represent the terms I had originally wanted, but they tried to
convince me to sign them anyway. Well, I may have just crashed in a
house, but I didn't just fall off the turnip truck! "Thanks,
but no thanks."
And so they offered new
terms. But monkeys can talk really fast, and I had to ask them to
repeat themselves many times before I realized that they were really
offering to only slightly change the terms. And in the mean time,
they sent faxes to the DA declaring that they themselves believed the
documents were forged. With these declarations the DA had his case,
and the coroner declared the defense dead. Well, actually he declared
it officially limping on a bunion. But monkeys never quit.
Amid my requests that the
flying monkeys convert the loan to the originally intended terms, or
take all and leave me free and clear, they offered to give me a ride
on a horse of a different color, by re-qualifying me for a new loan.
But the ride was very short. You see, the monkeys' negative reporting
on my credit now disqualified me for the loan they were offering.
And any other monkey's offering for that matter. I simply didn't
have a banana to give them.
The guilty plea seemed to
mean nothing to them. And they flipped the foreclosure hour glass
over three times trying to force me to hand over the ruby slippers.
The Good Colorado Attorney General of the North got wind of my
predicament and took it upon himself to convince the Wicked Witch to
let me and others, keep our ruby slippers. But monkeys always lie,
and they told him that they and I were already working things out
amicably. And then they sent the Good AG a letter, with a copy to me,
admitting the forgeries again, but asking the AG to convince me to
submit to their processes. Whoa! According to the laws of the Emerald
City, using government agencies to influence consumers is a big no
no. But it turned out to be no big deal. The Good AG didn't really
notice.
Following the monkeys' own
practice, I decided to record a phone conversation with the head
legal monkey, who boldly stated that the AG had specifically declared
to him that he had been given the authority to negotiate terms on my
behalf. This I doubted very much because the AG's website states as
big as skywriting that “The Attorney General does NOT have the authority to represent individual residents or
consumers.” Now, either the AG or the monkey was lying. But
monkeys always lie. And the AG, even though aware of this monkey
business, is really too busy calling monkeys to deal with violations
of the law. So nothing happened.
Finances being what they
are, I started looking into the law myself, and decided to take up my
axe and answer with my own suit that would require the wicked witches
to show cause why the documents should not be declared invalid.
However, I rusted solid in the procedures, proving only that the note
was forged. The deed of trust still stood and the witches prevailed.
Predicaments demand that one
looks at his options and take the best road. Now I've tried, and
I've failed. If I had her crystal ball, I may have done things
differently. But like Dorothy, I've had to learn things for myself.
And in doing so, I've found that the brick road is winding and often
forks. The wicked witch has developed an immunity to water, and in
court, her midget dances around and slaps you silly with a lollipop.
First they took my legs off and they threw them over there! Then they
took my chest out and they threw it over there! That's what happens
to nobodies who refuse to be led down dark paths and dares to stand
up to the spell casting mistress of the land.
And the wizard, well, I
don't think President Obama has anything in his black bag for me. And
his quick getaway balloon is only built for one. So, no amount of
heel clicking is going to keep me in my home. The foreclosure goes
through. Now homeless, jobless, deeply in debt and with huge stains
on my credit, I can't come back! I don't know how it works! I'm just
going to do my part in keeping the economy going by paying an
attorney to file my bankruptcy. Good-bye folks!